Last night was my first time going out since I gave birth just under six weeks ago. The other half Has been organising this annual Christmas dinner thing for our close friends and family for a couple of years now and to continue with our little tradition he wanted to do one this year too. Seeing as I only gave birth just under six weeks ago however, i was a. It reluctant about it and was hoping we’d skip this year since the baby is still so small. Quite frankly seeing as I no longer sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, I would rather spend my evenings resting at home cuddling than spending time doing normal adult things.
To be honest, even while he booked the restaurant and was sending out invitations, I still somehow managed to convince myself that it wouldn’t go ahead as he’d realise that we just had too much on our plate but as we got closer and closer to the time, I had to accept that the annual dinner was going ahead and though I suggested staying home whilst he went, I knew that he needed my support on this.
So this week Ive felt like a crappy mum, filled with anxiety and guilt overload. Can you blame me? I’ve been with my baby every second of everyday since she’s been born and the thought of not having her in my presence, even if only for a couple of hours is still hard to imagine.
When Saturday finally came, mymny guilt got the best of me and I had to take a moment to cry about it. Yes, ive become a big softy since this whole mother thing and I’m kinda not ashamed to admit it. Sue me if you will!
I finally forced myself to get dressed, do my hair and put on make up which I haven’t done in months and actually felt good – followed by more guilt for feeling good about looking good. Go figure!!
After showering her with a tsunami of kisses and crying like a pathetic woman, I let her daddy take her to grandma whilst I stayed in the car because the experience was just too traumatic for me (drama queen much?).
The night went without a hitch and I’m sure I annoyed my mother in law with my constant check ups – especially because bubba was asleep most of the night but I just couldn’t help myself.
I now understand and agree with the other half that this had to happen but I’m still not in a hurry to leave her any time soon. His birthday is coming up next month and I’m thinking we’re gonna have to celebrate with a home cooked dinner – after all, 31 is hardly a milestone birth right? Now I just need to pitch it to him. Wish me luck?