I know it always sounds like I’ve had this great epiphany since becoming a mother but I kinda have….in so many areas. I have become more confident in myself as a woman and as a person in general. I have more awareness of Self. I am more in tune with my feelings….happy and sad. My hopes, my aspirations, my fears….
I’ve also noticed that I love myself a little more everyday. I’m learning my real worth, my values, my importance. As a result , I have become less tolerant of the people and things that do not align with the woman and person that I’m becoming. I find that when we think low of ourselves, people tend to do the same. When we don’t value ourselves, people tend to mirror that and not value us either and we’re often blind to it because we haven’t yet discovered how to love ourselves and set standards and boundaries.
As much as it is a clichée, people will really and truly only treat you the way that they see and feel you treat yourself. Looking back in past relationships, I actually cringe now because I can see that I was insecure, clingy and didn’t have much self worth. I didn’t love or even like myself enough to put myself first and ensure my happiness was a priority. Can you imagine that I’d be surprised and confused when they didn’t love me or treat me as I needed to be? I’d wonder why they couldn’t see me and who I was and te love I had for them, etc. Little did I know their vision was crystal clear. They say me alright!!
I’ve had friendships where I have been there for the person, I have given my all to them in terms of being the best friend that I could be and only to be disappointed time and time again. Why, you ask? Because I didn’t have respect for myself enough to know that I deserved better out of a friendship. I didn’t set strict boundaries in our friendships and I didn’t hold them accountable for their actions or lack of. I let people waste my time, energy and sometimes money. I used to get so resentful and hurt for the lack of respect and consideration but I now realise I didn’t respect or consider myself, so why would they?
I’m now at a place of self – self healing, self growth , self discovery, self love. A place where I guard my heart from things and people who temper with my peace, my joy, my trust, my patience and my bloody sanity. This has meant loving some people – family and friends, from afar and that’s ok. I feel so liberated in knowing that I don’t even owe anyone an explanation either. I’m doing what I need to do for me and it feels great.
I think I used to focus so much on changing people, changing the way they saw me, the way they treated me…downright trying to change who they are as people but I have now realised that there’s only person I can change and in all these scenarios, there was only ever one person that needed changing and that was me. Hindsight is truly 20/20 but we thank Godfor growth!
My advise to anyone out there reading this – don’t ever, and I mean Never Ever dim your light for anyone. Never ever compromise your beliefs, values, worth, love or anything for anyone. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to say goodbye to anyone who doesn’t reflect who you are, where you are in life and where you want to go. Yes, sometimes it includes our nearest and dearest and when I say cutting off I don’t necessarily mean not ever talking or hanging out. I mean being so self-aware that when you so much as sniff danger (couldn’t think of a better work), you will have the courage to nip it in the bud. Having self-peace is more important and should be pursued daily!